The other day, I caught up with a car-loving friend from college for the first time in ages. He said:<\/p>\n
\u201cI read your blog! But I couldn\u2019t quite wrap my head around the bit about working toward your goal of buying a Panamera when you already drive one. Your husband bought it for you, so why are you still aiming to buy one yourself? lol\u201d<\/p>\n
Fair point. What is up with me? (-_-)<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve always been a little contrarian\u2014or maybe just stubborn\u2014and wanted to do everything myself. Apparently, even as a baby, I insisted, \u201cI\u2019ll eat my own baby food!\u201d<\/strong> Whenever my mother tried to feed me with a spoon, I\u2019d spit it all out with a \u201cbleh,\u201d grab it with my hands, and eat it myself.<\/p>\n Even now, my mother says, \u201cYou\u2019ve always wanted to do everything yourself, ever since you were little.\u201d<\/p>\n I\u2019d wanted to live on my own for as long as I can remember. When I started working, moved out, and realized I was covering all my living expenses with money I\u2019d earned myself, I was thrilled. I\u2019d always lived by the rule: \u201cIf I want something, I\u2019ll buy it myself instead of having someone give it to me!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Even after I got married, if I mentioned a watch I liked and my husband offered, \u201cWant me to get it for your birthday?\u201d I\u2019d refuse with some bizarre declaration like:<\/p>\n \u201cNo! If I want a watch, I\u2019ll earn the money and buy it myself! It only counts if I buy it myself!\u201d<\/strong> Honestly, I know\u2014it\u2019s not exactly endearing.<\/p>\n So even though I\u2019m already driving a Panamera, buying a Panamera GTS with my own money is still a goal of mine. It\u2019s what I wanted to buy for myself in the first place.<\/p>\n That\u2019s the kind of person I am, and for a long time, I felt a little guilty about driving a Porsche thanks to my husband. It felt like I was taking credit for someone else\u2019s success\u2014or, as the Japanese saying goes, \u201cwrestling in someone else\u2019s loincloth.\u201d I kept thinking, \u201cI haven\u2019t earned this myself\u2026\u201d That is, until quite recently.<\/p>\n When friends said, \u201cI hear you drive a Porsche! That\u2019s amazing\u2014you must be rich!\u201d I\u2019d shoot back:<\/p>\n \u201cNo, my husband\u2019s the one with money. I\u2019m not rich. (-_-)\u201d<\/strong> (What a nasty thing to say. It almost sounds like a humblebrag.)<\/span><\/p>\n My husband would say, \u201cWhy don\u2019t you take the Panamera to Royu on your own and meet some other Porsche drivers?\u201d But I\u2019d always refuse: \u201cIt\u2019s your Porsche, so people will think I\u2019m acting like it\u2019s mine. I\u2019m not going. (-_-)\u201d<\/strong> (As if anyone would care. Talk about being self-conscious\u2026)<\/span><\/p>\n That changed this year, after a comment from a senior colleague I really respect.<\/p>\n Somehow, we got talking about how \u201cI\u2019m able to live the way I do now thanks to my husband, so I need to make sure I build something for myself, too.\u201d<\/strong> That\u2019s when they said:<\/p>\n \u201cBut that\u2019s a huge advantage. What you\u2019re doing is pretty unusual, after all. Being in the minority can be a real strength and a source of value in the market. You should make the most of the situation you\u2019re in!\u201d<\/p>\n That\u2019s what they told me.<\/p>\n A-advantage\u2026 (*_*)<\/span><\/p>\n For some reason, hearing it framed in business terms made it click (lol). I thought, \u201cI see\u2014that\u2019s one way to look at it.\u201d My circumstances were something to be grateful for, but they were also an advantage I could make use of.<\/p>\n If I could let go of my stubbornness and accept things as they are, maybe I could use this opportunity to open doors to new experiences\u2014and reach the places I want to go faster.<\/p>\n Because life really is like Dragon Quest!<\/span><\/p>\n Even if your character is low-level and all you have equipped is a cloth tunic and a club, join a strong party and you can get better gear, take on powerful enemies, earn lots of experience points, and level up fast.<\/p>\n It finally sank in: so much depends on how you look at things and how you make use of what you have. If I appreciate the situation I\u2019m in and let myself accept it, things can start moving faster.<\/p>\n Since then, I\u2019ve found myself thinking, \u201cAll right, let\u2019s take the Panamera out everywhere!\u201d<\/strong> and \u201cI\u2019m going to write a lot more for the blog!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n I really am a complicated person. (*_*)<\/p>\n That said, my goal of buying a Panamera myself is still very much alive.<\/p>\n Even if it\u2019s the same car, I\u2019m sure driving one someone else bought for me feels completely different from driving one I paid for myself. The joy of taking the wheel, the sense of achievement, the thrill of driving\u2014and that quiet feeling of satisfaction that comes over you now and then\u2014must be worlds apart.<\/p>\n I have to experience that for myself!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"I want to buy one myself. The other day, I caught up with a car-loving friend from college for the first time in ages. He said: \u201cI read your blog! But I couldn\u2019t quite wrap my head around the bit about working toward your goal of buying a Panamera when you already drive one. Your husband bought it for you, so why are you still aiming to buy one yourself? lol\u201d Fair point. What is...","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":2490,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_locale":"en_US","_original_post":"https:\/\/www.panamera-life.com\/?p=2478","footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-36758","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-nocar-nolife","en-US"],"yoast_head":"Stubborn\u2014or just too proud?<\/h3>\n
One day, I finally let myself be happy<\/h3>\n