{"id":37620,"date":"2019-09-27T06:00:07","date_gmt":"2019-09-26T21:00:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.panamera-life.com\/?p=37620"},"modified":"2020-08-23T08:45:55","modified_gmt":"2020-08-22T23:45:55","slug":"wives-think-like-this","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.panamera-life.com\/en\/entry\/wives-think-like-this\/","title":{"rendered":"Delving Deeper into &#8220;As a Wife, Not Restricting My Husband&#8217;s Freedom&#8221; \u2013 Why Do Wives Oppose Their Husbands&#8217; Porsche Purchases?"},"content":{"rendered":"<h3 class=\"style3a\">Not Restricting My Husband\u2019s Freedom<\/h3>\n<p>The other day, I wrote an article titled \u201cWhat\u2019s More Important Than Being a \u2018Good Luck Charm Wife\u2019 Who Sees Her Husband\u2019s Growth Up Close,\u201d and it received more feedback than I expected.<\/p>\n<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"j4L17Smlib\"><p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.panamera-life.com\/entry\/about-ageman\/\">\u592b\u306e\u6210\u9577\u3092\u8eab\u8fd1\u306b\u898b\u3066\u304d\u305f\u59bb\u304c\u601d\u3046\u201d\u3042\u3052\u307e\u3093\u201d\u306b\u306a\u308b\u3088\u308a\u5927\u5207\u306a\u3053\u3068 \u2014<\/a><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><iframe class=\"wp-embedded-content\" sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" style=\"position: absolute; clip: rect(1px, 1px, 1px, 1px);\" title=\"&#8220;\u592b\u306e\u6210\u9577\u3092\u8eab\u8fd1\u306b\u898b\u3066\u304d\u305f\u59bb\u304c\u601d\u3046\u201d\u3042\u3052\u307e\u3093\u201d\u306b\u306a\u308b\u3088\u308a\u5927\u5207\u306a\u3053\u3068 \u2014&#8221; &#8212; \u30dd\u30eb\u30b7\u30a7\u304c\u308f\u304c\u5bb6\u306b\u3084\u3063\u3066\u304d\u305f - \u30aa\u30fc\u30ca\u30fc\u30ba\u30d6\u30ed\u30b0\" src=\"https:\/\/www.panamera-life.com\/entry\/about-ageman\/embed\/#?secret=j4L17Smlib\" data-secret=\"j4L17Smlib\" width=\"500\" height=\"282\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Among the responses, the part that resonated most was the brief mention at the very end: <strong>\u201cWhat I consciously focused on was not restricting my husband\u2019s freedom.\u201d<\/strong> So, from a wife\u2019s perspective, I decided to explore this topic a little more deeply.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"style3a\">Husband Wants a Porsche, Wife Opposes<\/h3>\n<p>Sometimes on Twitter or Yahoo! Chiebukuro, I see posts like these:<\/p>\n<p class=\"well2\">\u201cI want a sports car, but my wife is against buying one. What should I do?\u201d<br \/>\n\u201cWhen I say I want to buy a Porsche, my wife insists it has to be a minivan. What should I do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And conversely,<\/p>\n<p class=\"well2\"><strong>\u201cMy husband is trying to buy a sports car despite my objections.<\/strong> Since it\u2019s impractical and expensive, I\u2019m trying to persuade him to get a family car, but he won\u2019t listen. What should I do?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Such heartfelt posts from wives are not uncommon.<\/p>\n<p>There are many answers to these concerns, but a significant number say things like <strong>\u201cJust go ahead and buy it despite your wife\u2019s opposition!\u201d<\/strong> or <strong>\u201cSince he\u2019s using his own money, let him do as he pleases.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>But as a wife, I honestly feel uneasy about these responses.<\/p>\n<p>\u201c<strong>If the husband forces his way through here, the family relationship will worsen, and he\u2019ll lose even more freedom going forward.<\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Every time I see these discussions, a memory from my early days as a new employee comes back to me.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"style3a\">Results, Trust, Freedom<\/h3>\n<p>When I joined my first company as a new graduate, I was assigned to the sales department. The company had an unspoken rule: those assigned to regions requiring overnight stays could go straight to and from their destinations, but <strong>those assigned to regions reachable as day trips from headquarters had to go through the office.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>At the time, I was responsible for an area two hours away by train, so I often complained about losing time by having to come to the office. But when I finally couldn\u2019t take it and asked my boss, he said this:<\/p>\n<p class=\"well2\">I\u2019m not saying you can\u2019t go straight to and from the site. If you want more freedom, go for it. But first, <strong>produce results that everyone recognizes.<\/strong> At least, <strong>produce results that leave me no room to object.<\/strong> Then I\u2019ll leave your daily sales activities up to you. Remember well that <strong>freedom and responsibility go hand in hand.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>That boss\u2019s response might be called \u201cblack company\u201d behavior today, but 15 years ago, before \u201cwork style reform\u201d was even a thing, his logic made sense to me as a new employee who hadn\u2019t yet delivered results.<\/p>\n<p>I decided, \u201c<strong>Rather than complain, I\u2019ll produce results that leave no room for objection, so I can gain freedom.<\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>From there, I worked hard, got a lot of help, and once I started producing results, no one said anything about going straight to and from sites. After becoming top in sales, my boss said, \u201c<strong>Do as you like, but make sure you deliver results.<\/strong>\u201d and I was given considerable freedom. <span style=\"font-size: 8pt;\">(Also, my approval requests started getting accepted a lot more, lol.)<\/span><\/p>\n<p>From that experience, I realized:<\/p>\n<p class=\"well2\">\u201cProducing results leads to gaining trust. When you\u2019re trusted, you gain freedom.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This was a big insight for my younger self.<\/p>\n<h3 class=\"style3a\">Trust from the Wife<\/h3>\n<p>Back to the topic: I believe the reason a husband\u2019s wife opposes buying a sports car is, bluntly, <strong>because the husband isn\u2019t trusted by his wife.<\/strong> In other words, <strong>he hasn\u2019t produced results that satisfy his wife.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>That\u2019s why the wife anticipates and objects:<\/p>\n<p class=\"well2\">\u201cIf he buys a sports car, he\u2019ll ignore the family on his days off and go driving alone, right?<br \/>\nHe says it won\u2019t hurt the household finances, but in the end, it will.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Especially in households with small children, wives often have no freedom at all. Everything revolves around the kids: <strong>taking them to the hospital when they have a fever, dermatology, ENT, dentist, vaccinations, kindergarten and school events&#8230;<\/strong> Most of their time is consumed by the children\u2019s schedules. It\u2019s even tougher for working couples.<\/p>\n<p>A lunch with old friends planned months ago can be canceled at the last minute if the child gets sick. Even something as simple as \u201chaving a quiet coffee alone at Starbucks\u201d feels like a luxury now.<\/p>\n<p>In such a daily life, if the husband pushes through his wife\u2019s objections and says, \u201c<strong>I\u2019m buying a sports car!<\/strong>\u201d without considering the family, it\u2019s natural for the wife to feel, \u201cAre you kidding me?!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Therefore, if you want a sports car or freedom, the first step is to <strong>produce the results your wife wants, or at least keep taking actions toward that to earn her trust.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>What \u201cresults the wife wants\u201d probably differ by household.<\/p>\n<p class=\"well2\">Time alone to relax, time with family, an annual income of 10 million yen, 100 million yen, a large family, a home, couple time, travel\u2026 etc.<\/p>\n<p>The scope and scale vary greatly by wife. <span style=\"font-size: 8pt;\">(Some wives might be like goddesses who say, \u201cIf you\u2019re happy, I don\u2019t need anything else.\u201d)<\/span> But if the wife trusts that <strong>\u201cthis person understands and will follow through,\u201d<\/strong> she won\u2019t oppose so harshly and will likely allow more freedom.<\/p>\n<p>Sometimes I hear, \u201c<strong>My wife is so fed up she\u2019s given up and says nothing (lol),\u201d<\/strong> but from a wife\u2019s perspective, that might actually mean \u201cHe works hard and earns, so I guess he can do as he pleases,\u201d which is a form of acceptance.<\/p>\n<p class=\"well3\"><strong><a href=\"https:\/\/www.panamera-life.com\/entry\/wives-think-like-this\/2\/\">Next page \u2192 I brought up this topic with my husband. How did he react\u2026?<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<p><!--nextpage--><\/p>\n<h3 class=\"style3a\">I Brought Up This Topic with My Husband<\/h3>\n<p>When I talked about this, my husband said:<\/p>\n<p class=\"well3\">Trust is important, sure. But even CEOs who earn huge incomes and are considered successful sometimes don\u2019t get freedom at home. In those cases, maybe the wife\u2019s standards are just very high and the husband hasn\u2019t met them yet, or maybe those husbands actually do better with some restrictions.<br \/>\nThere are definitely <strong>\u201cpeople who should be given freedom\u201d and \u201cpeople who shouldn\u2019t.\u201d<\/strong> Wives need to figure out which is which.<\/p>\n<p>I thought, that makes sense\u2026 Looking around, many very successful men are \u201c<strong>under the thumb of their wives<\/strong>.\u201d It\u2019s quite common in the entertainment world too.<\/p>\n<p>Still, it\u2019s not easy to tell which type your husband is. For me, maybe because I\u2019m the youngest of two siblings, I\u2019m not the \u201ctough, big-sister type who pushes others along.\u201d I\u2019m always focused on myself (lol), so I don\u2019t think men who like that kind of woman approach me.<\/p>\n<p>My husband continued:<\/p>\n<p class=\"well3\">By the way, I\u2019m the type who <strong>needs freedom<\/strong>, and winning that freedom is my motivation.<br \/>\nIn exchange for buying the car I want and going on tours, I consciously work to <strong>earn enough so I don\u2019t get complaints.<\/strong> I also try to make things easier for my wife by using time-saving appliances and housekeeping services.<br \/>\nThat costs money, but being able to pay for that is also part of my motivation. <strong>That shows how strong my desire for \u2018freedom\u2019 is.<\/strong><span style=\"font-size: 8pt;\">(More passion, lol)<\/span><br \/>\nIn the end, <strong>if a husband wants freedom, he has to overwhelmingly exceed his wife\u2019s expectations.<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I thought, wow, my husband is working hard to earn his freedom while I\u2019ve been comfortably relying on him (lol). Come to think of it, it wasn\u2019t me who suggested time-saving appliances or housekeeping services\u2014it was him who said, \u201c<strong>If it\u2019s that tough, want to try housekeeping services?<\/strong>\u201d<\/p>\n<p>From his perspective, \u201cI never said you had to do housework properly, but since you get overwhelmed and irritated, I want you to be happier.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He also said:<\/p>\n<p class=\"well3\">Japanese people tend to feel guilty about \u201cearning money,\u201d but there\u2019s nothing wrong with it. We should remove that mental barrier and face it head-on.<br \/>\nI\u2019ve always been conscious of \u201cearning,\u201d and rather than aiming for some \u201cannual income X million yen\u201d line, I set goals based on how much I need to earn to do what I want at that time, and I keep achieving those goals.<br \/>\nIt\u2019s the same with companies: a company that isn\u2019t profitable can\u2019t provide good service. When profitable, it can invest in better services and delight customers more.<br \/>\nI think the same applies to families. <strong>Earn well, gain freedom, and only when you\u2019re fulfilled can you make those around you happy. That\u2019s why earning is important.<\/strong><br \/>\nI say this like I\u2019m an expert, but I\u2019m still far from my ideal.<\/p>\n<p>I want to be able to one day say \u201c<strong>Thank you always<\/strong>\u201d to my husband and casually gift him a Grand Seiko watch (lol), so alright, I\u2019ll do my best too!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"\u30dd\u30eb\u30b7\u30a7\u3084\u30b9\u30dd\u30fc\u30c4\u30ab\u30fc\u304c\u6b32\u3057\u3044\u592b\u306b\u5bfe\u3057\u3066\u3001\u306a\u305c\u59bb\u306f\u3001\u592b\u306e\u30dd\u30eb\u30b7\u30a7\u8cfc\u5165\u306b\u53cd\u5bfe\u3059\u308b\u306e\u304b\uff1f\u30dd\u30eb\u30b7\u30a7\u30aa\u30fc\u30ca\u30fc\u306e\u59bb\u304c\u8a9e\u308b\u30dd\u30eb\u30b7\u30a7\u30d6\u30ed\u30b0\u3067\u3059\u3002","protected":false},"author":0,"featured_media":14354,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_locale":"en_US","_original_post":"https:\/\/www.panamera-life.com\/?p=14264"},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"<title>Delving Deeper into &quot;As a Wife, Not Restricting My Husband&#039;s Freedom&quot; \u2013 Why Do Wives Oppose Their Husbands&#039; Porsche Purchases? 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