The other day, I wrote an article titled "What a Wife Who Has Closely Watched Her Husband Grow Up Thinks is More Important Than Becoming an "Aeman"" and received more feedback than I expected.
One of the most resonant parts of this article was the little bit at the end that I wrote about theWhat I was conscious of was, 'Don't limit my husband's freedom.'The part called "the" part. So, I decided to dig a little deeper into this area, from my wife's perspective.
I see posts like this from time to time on twitter and on Yahoo! Wisdom Bukuro.
I want a sports car, but my wife is opposed to my purchase. What should I do?"
My wife said to me, "When I told her I was going to buy a Porsche, she said it had to be a minivan. What should I do?"
Such as. And conversely.
My husband is trying to buy a sports car over my objections.I am trying to convince him that I want a family car because it is not practical and costs too much, but he is not listening. What should I do?
I also see some earnest submissions by wives, such as
Responses to these concerns varied, but a significant percentage of theBuy it over my wife's objections!or "Your husband is buying with his own money, so let him do what he wants.The article states that "the
But as a wife, I honestly feel uncomfortable with these answers.
."If my husband were to force his way through here, his relationship with his family would deteriorate and he would not be free to do more and more in the future."
And every time I see such a discussion, it brings back to me a certain experience from my days as a new employee.
When I joined a company as a new graduate, I was assigned to the sales department. At that company, "Business trip groups in charge of areas that are far from the head office and require overnight stays are allowed to go directly to the office.Those in charge of areas that can be reached by day from the head office must go directly home.There was an unspoken rule that
At the time, I was in charge of an area that took two hours by train to get to, even though I could make a day trip from the head office, so I often complained about the time I lost coming to work. One day, however, I couldn't stand it any longer, and when I asked my boss for help, he told me something like this.
I'm not saying don't go straight home, and if you want to do other things freely, go ahead. But first.Create results that people will recognize.At the very least, theCreate results that make me say whether or not.Then I will leave the day-to-day business activities to you. Remember, freedom and responsibility go hand in hand.
And.
This boss's response might be slammed as "black company" nowadays, but 15 years ago, when "reform of the way of working" was not even a word. As a new employee who had not yet achieved much in the way of results, I found my supervisor's logic to be "a little too rational.I seeIt seemed to me that "the
Then, "If we can do it freely by producing results that make people around us say whether or not, rather than complaining, then let's produce results!I decided to do it.
From there, I got excited, and with a lot of help from everyone, when I started to produce some results, I was not told anything even if I went straight home. Then, after my performance became No. 1, I was told that the way I did sales, the way I sold, and many other aspects of my business, "Do what you want. But make sure you get the results right.I was given a lot of freedom to do what I wanted," he said, "just as long as my boss told me to do it.(Also, the request for approval went through like crazy.)
And this is how I felt after experiencing the whole process.
'Creating results is all about earning their trust. Once they trust you, you are free to do what you want."
And. This was a great realization for me as a young man.
Back on topic, it's hard to say that husbands are opposed to their wives buying sports cars because, as the saying goes, "Because husbands are not trusted by their wives.I think." In other words, it has been "My wife has never been satisfied with the results.I think it's a "no-brainer".
So.
You buy a sports car and go for a drive by yourself on your days off, neglecting your family, right?
You say you won't bother the household, and then you end up bothering the household, right?
and his wife anticipates and opposes him.
In particular, wives of families with small children are often in a situation where they have no freedom at all. They put their children first in everything they do.When a child has a fever, you take him to the hospital, to the dermatologist, to the ENT, to the dentist, to immunizations, to kindergarten and school events...and most of my time disappears into my children's schedules. If you are working together, it is even more difficult.
A lunch appointment with an old friend, which I had been looking forward to for three months, was easily cancelled if the child developed a fever the day before. In the past, it was a matter of course.Having a relaxing cup of coffee alone at Starbucks.Even the "I'm not sure what I'm going to do with my time," now seems like the most luxurious time.
In the midst of these days, my husband, over his own objections and with no regard for his family, "I'm not a good person."Buy a sports car!My wife would naturally say, "Screw you! It is natural for the wife to say, "Screw you!
So if you want to buy a sports car or if you want to free yourself up, first you need to buy a "Create the results my wife wants, or at least continue to take action to achieve them and gain her trust.The first step would be to "make a decision".
The "results that wives want from their husbands" probably vary from family to family.
Free time alone, time with family, annual income of 10 million yen, annual income of 100 million yen, large family with many children, own home, time together as a couple, traveling...etc.
I think the width and height you're looking for varies greatly from wife to wife, and(Although I'm sure there are some god-like wives out there who say, "I don't need anything as long as you look happy.)."This guy knows what he's doing, and when he says he's going to do something, he does it.If I can gain my wife's trust that I am a good person, she will not be so overbearingly opposed to me and will let me be relatively free.
Occasionally, "theMy wife has given up in disgust, so she doesn't say anything (laughs).From a wife's point of view, it is a way of saying, "My husband works hard and earns a lot of money, so why don't you do whatever you want? I think this is in a sense the opposite of acknowledging the husband.
Next page→I told this story to my husband. How did he react...?
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