My Mother Was a Full-Time Homemaker

What we experience and see as children has a huge impact on our lives later on. For example, the formula of “men are like this, women are like that” seems to deeply embed itself in us.

In my case, I grew up in a household where “my mother was a full-time homemaker,” so from a young age, I thought “women don’t work, women stay at home.” The cartoons I often watched on TV back then—Doraemon, Sazae-san, Chibi Maruko-chan—all featured families where the mother was a full-time homemaker, which probably reinforced that idea.

Time passed, and when I went to university, I first truly felt that “in the future, women will work too.” After graduating, I got a job and worked so hard for 15 years that I even got sick from it. But now, I write this blog at home, pick up my kids from kindergarten, and live a child-centered life… before I knew it, I was living a life similar to my own mother’s back then.

I never imagined this when I was working so hard, but after many turning points, this is where I ended up.

While it feels strange, I also think that “the image of my mother I saw as a child unconsciously influenced the choices I made in life.”

Boys Can Do It, Girls Can’t

Thinking about this, I noticed that my eldest daughter already holds the formula of “men are like this, women are like that.” For example, for a long time (about three years) I couldn’t drive a manual car, and my daughter saw that and concluded:

“Mom can’t drive a noisy car (manual car), but Dad can, so boys can drive and girls can’t.”

Recently, when I finally learned to drive a manual car, she asked me with a puzzled look,

“Why can Mom do the noisy car stuff even though she’s a girl?”

I answered, “No, both boys and girls can drive. Mom worked hard practicing and got better. When you grow up and practice, you’ll be able to drive too.” But she still looked puzzled.

There was another incident. All the Porsches in our family were bought by my husband, and recently he bought a car for his mother too (since she’s elderly, it had to be a car with solid safety features).

My daughter seemed to have assumed that “cars are something men buy.” Later, when I said, “Mom is working hard because she wants to buy a Porsche with her own money,” she responded,

“Wow, do you really need that many Porsches!? And don’t you get cars from Dad?”

I replied, “Well, that’s how it is right now… (-_-), but there are lots of girls who buy their own Porsches. Also, I want to buy what I want with my own money.” She looked like she understood, but maybe not fully.

Also, when we went to watch a race at the circuit, there happened to be a ladies’ car race that day. Until then, my daughter thought “only men drive cars, and girls just stand around wearing cute clothes (race queens).” She was surprised and said,

“Why are the girls dressed like boys!?”

Well, the car world might be a bit special in that regard, but even in everyday life, I often notice moments where fixed ideas are forming.

Girls Can Do It Too

Of course, there are things men can do physically that women can’t, and I’m not saying girls have to compete with boys, but I don’t want my daughters to “limit their potential because of their gender.”

Japan today is a world where “if you want to do something, you can do anything.” There are fewer things women have to give up just because they’re women (though of course, sometimes the pushback can be strong).

In this context, I believe it’s the mother who can convey this to her daughters, and the mother can be the closest role model for her daughters. So I want to keep breaking my own shell and shattering my daughters’ fixed ideas, showing them that girls can buy a Porsche too (maybe it’s a bit of unsolicited advice).

That said, I have to be careful not to try so hard that they think, “I don’t want to be like Mom!” (lol)