Lately, at work, I’ve found myself saying more often, “Actually, my husband and I run a Porsche blog together…” I hadn’t exactly been hiding it before, but since my current work roots come from that Porsche blog, it naturally comes up more often.

My Husband’s Freedom, My Perspective

When I mention this, people often become curious about my husband. This kind of exchange happens a lot:

“What does your husband drive?”
“Uh… a 911, a Boxster, a Cayman…”

“Wait, how many Porsches does he have?”
“…I think he has about four right now…”

“Wow! What does your husband do for work?”
“Oh, he’s basically a business owner… runs an IT company.”

“Wow, that’s impressive… he must be a celebrity or something.”
“No, no, my husband shops at Uniqlo and wears his clothes until they’re threadbare. He’s totally all-in on cars — a free-spirited car enthusiast. He’ll say, ‘I’m going on a little tour,’ and just take off for two or three days without a second thought.”

“That’s amazing… Mina, you must be really okay with that. I leave all the childcare to my wife during the week, so on weekends I have to prioritize family or it would be chaos… I’m so jealous of your husband.”

Since my husband’s circle is full of similarly free-spirited Porsche lovers, my sense of normal has gotten a bit warped, and I tend to think, “Maybe this is just how it is.” But I realize our family life is probably a bit different from the average household.

That said, I don’t feel like I’m “putting up with anything” or “making sacrifices.”

We never felt that just because we’re married, we have to spend every weekend together. We’re both independent adults, so our ideal is “each of us freely doing what we want, while staying deeply connected as a family.”

That’s the foundation of our relationship.

The Importance of Shared Values

That doesn’t mean our lives are completely separate.

My husband eats dinner at home every day, and if I absolutely can’t pick up our son from kindergarten because of work, he’ll step in. Most of our conversations revolve around cars, but we do talk every day.

Also, in our family, “the New Year’s visit to Kumano Nachi Taisha (though we go quite late)” and the “911DAYS track event at Fuji Speedway” have become annual traditions we always attend together.

We haven’t set any strict rules, but we naturally maintain a comfortable distance that works for both of us.

Why does this work? I think it’s largely because we “got married because our values matched.”

Both of us had lived thinking, “Maybe I won’t get married at all.” We wanted to live a life where we could fully pursue what we love. If marriage meant giving that up, we weren’t going to force it.

Writing this out now, I realize I probably don’t have the typical woman’s mindset… I grew up in a perfectly normal family, so why did I end up thinking like this? (laughs)

My husband once told his sister-in-law about me:

“She’s really different. Imagine everyone going to yoga classes with their friends, but she’s the only one saying, ‘I want to learn hula hooping!’ and going off to hula hoop classes alone.”

Why hula hoop? (laughs) But I guess that’s just his way of saying I’m unique (though I think I’m perfectly normal).

So why did we decide to get married?

“I love my work so much, I want to keep pushing hard forever!”
“That’s great. If you’re the boss, you’ve got to earn enough to drive a bright red Porsche around! Go for it.”

“I absolutely don’t want to be on an allowance after marriage.”
“That makes sense. You should spend the money you earn however you want.”

Through conversations like this, we realized our values were similar, and thought, well, maybe marriage can be fun after all.

From the start, my husband said,

I won’t do any housework. But instead, I’ll spend money on time-saving appliances and hire help to reduce the burden. I want to earn more and work hard for that.

I guess a man who says that is pretty rare (laughs).

When we first got married, as with any two strangers, we had small differences in values and had to talk things through. But over time, our values aligned more and more, and now they mostly match.

Today, we’re on the same page about:

• Parenting philosophy
• How to spend our days off
• Money sense
• The desire to aim higher
• Generally not liking to hang out in groups
• Even what kinds of cars we like (laughs)

Our priorities and what we value in life have become very similar. Also, considering my husband’s motivation rises when he buys and switches cars, and he produces visible results from enjoying his cars, I think it’s actually good for him to keep buying more cars.

And the more freedom my husband gives himself, the more I can boldly challenge myself in my own life. I hope we can keep growing and enjoying life together with this kind of relationship.

Having similar values might be the key to building a comfortable relationship as a couple and family.
We cherish freedom, enjoy what we want individually, and yet stay firmly connected through trust.

I hope we can continue living this way as a couple.