Lately, I’ve found myself telling people at work, “My husband and I actually run a Porsche blog together…” more and more often. It’s not that I was ever keeping it a secret. But my work today grew out of that Porsche blog, so it naturally comes up in conversation.

My Husband’s Free Spirit and My Perspective

When I mention the blog, people are often curious about my husband. The conversation tends to go something like this:

“What does your husband drive?”
“Um… a 911, a Boxster, a Cayman…”

“Wait—how many Porsches does he own?”
“I think… four at the moment.”

“Wow! What does he do for a living?”
“Oh, he runs an IT company.”

“Impressive! He must be loaded!”
“Not really—he wears Uniqlo and keeps wearing things until they’re threadbare. He puts pretty much everything into cars. He’s a car nut and a total free spirit. He’ll say, ‘I’m heading out for a drive!’ and suddenly be gone for two nights and three days.”

“You’re really okay with that, Mina? I leave all the childcare to my wife during the week, so I have to put family first on weekends or I’d be in serious trouble. I’m jealous of your husband…”

My husband is surrounded by other Porsche-loving free spirits, so my own sense of what’s normal may have become a little skewed. I catch myself thinking, “Maybe this is just how things are.” But I suppose our family life is a little different from the norm.

That said, I don’t feel that I’m “putting up with it” or “forcing myself to be okay with it” at all.

Getting married doesn’t mean you have to spend every weekend together. We’re both independent adults, and my ideal is for each of us to pursue what we enjoy, while staying firmly connected at the heart of our family.

That, I think, is the foundation of our relationship.

Why Shared Values Matter in Porsche Ownership

Of course, we don’t live completely separate lives.

My husband eats dinner at home every night, and if work makes it impossible for me to pick up our son, he’ll go to kindergarten and get him instead. We mostly talk about cars, but we still have plenty to say to each other every day.

We also have a couple of family traditions: visiting Kumano Nachi Taisha for our New Year’s shrine visit (though we usually go quite late in the season) and attending the 911DAYS track event at Fuji Speedway. Those are occasions we always spend together as a family.

We’ve never sat down and laid out a set of rules. Somehow, though, we’ve found a comfortable way to give each other space while staying close.

So why does this kind of relationship work for us? I think a big part of the answer is that we got married because our values aligned.

Both of us had once thought, “Maybe I’ll never get married.” We wanted to live life doing what mattered to us with all our heart. If marriage meant giving that up, we didn’t see any reason to force it.

Writing this all out, I’m realizing I probably don’t have a very conventional perspective for a woman. I grew up in a perfectly ordinary family, so how did I end up thinking this way? (Laughs.)

Come to think of it, when my husband introduced me to his younger sister, he apparently said:

“She’s really unusual. It’s like everyone else is going to yoga with their friends, but she’s the one who says, ‘I want to learn hula-hooping!’ and goes off to take hula-hooping lessons by herself.”

Why hula-hooping, of all things? (Laughs.) But I guess the point is that I’m unusual—even though I think I’m perfectly normal.

So how did two people like us end up getting married? It came down to conversations like these:

“I really love my work, and I want to keep working hard for the rest of my life!”
“That’s great. If you’re running a company, you’d better earn enough to cruise around in a bright red Porsche! Go for it.”

“I absolutely don’t want to get married and be put on an allowance.”
“Of course not. You earn your own money, so you should be able to spend it yourself.”

As we talked, we realized how much our values had in common. We both felt that if we could stay true to ourselves, we could probably have a good time building a life together.

From the very beginning of our marriage, my husband also told me:

“I’m not going to do any housework. But in return, I want to spend money on things that make it easier—like time-saving appliances and hiring someone to help around the house. I want to reduce the burden as much as possible. I’ll earn more than I do now and make it happen.”

I imagine it’s not every day you hear a man lay out a plan like that. (Laughs.)

As with any two people, we noticed little differences in our values when we first got married, and sometimes we had to talk them through. But over time, our outlooks have gradually come together, and these days we agree on most things.

These days, we’re on the same page about:

• How we want to raise our child
• How we spend our days off
• Our attitudes toward money
• Our drive to keep aiming higher
• Our general preference not to move in a pack
• And even what kinds of cars we like (laughs)

Our priorities and the things we value in life have come to align in all these areas. And when I think about how enjoying cars motivates my husband and helps him achieve tangible results, I find myself thinking that maybe he should just keep buying and changing cars.

What’s more, the more freedom my husband has, the more confidently I can take on challenges in my own life. I hope we can keep enjoying life and growing together in this way.

Having similar values may be one of the keys to building a comfortable relationship as a couple and as a family. We value our freedom and enjoy pursuing our own interests, while remaining firmly connected by trust at our core.

I hope we can keep building this kind of relationship for many years to come.