A Wife Opposed to Her Husband Buying a Lexus

The other day, I came across an interesting article on Twitter.

“My husband earns 12 million yen a year and wants to buy an 8 million yen Lexus. Would you allow it?” A cold response to a full-time housewife’s question

The family consists of a 47-year-old husband, a 42-year-old wife, and a second-grade elementary school child—so probably a family of three.

The husband currently drives an old Toyota Sienta, but recently said, “When I went to a company dinner, all the female employees wanted to ride in their subordinates’ or colleagues’ Lexus, Crown, or the new Harrier. Nobody wanted to ride in my car, and I felt embarrassed. I want to replace my car with a brand-new Lexus RX.”

The wife’s perspective was,

Sure, it might look good to mom friends and others around us, but my husband rarely drives, so I don’t want him to buy such an expensive car. More importantly, I want to allocate money for our child’s future and our retirement. By the way, we currently have 80 million yen in financial assets including savings and investment trusts, but I don’t want to spend 10% of the money we’ve worked so hard to save.

So she consulted Yahoo! Chiebukuro (a Q&A site).

In the end, most responses supported the husband, saying, “Your husband earns that much, so let him drive the car he likes,” and the wife decided, “We’ll try to save by cutting his bonus allowance and move forward with the purchase.”

I see… Also, 80 million yen in financial assets is impressive!

What Does the Husband Think About This?

When I asked my husband, “There was an article like this. What do you think?” he said,

Yeah… There are wives who oppose their husbands buying sports or luxury cars even though they have income. But I think those wives unconsciously believe, “My husband won’t be able to earn more in the future.” On the surface, they might not think that, but unconsciously, that’s what they believe, so they oppose it.
Some might say, “It’s realistically hard to earn more as a salaried worker,” but with side jobs and asset management, there are plenty of ways to increase income.
But wives who oppose this kind of thing believe there’s a ceiling on income. That’s basically denying their husband’s potential.
For example, in the case of the article, if the husband says he wants a new RX, I’d want the wife to say, “What? An 8 million yen RX!? If you’re going to buy one, you should go for something like a 15 million yen LS!” That kind of response would make the husband go “Whoa!” and think, “I need to earn more, I need to work harder.” If the wife is like that, the husband will grow more and more. Of course, it depends on the husband’s personality and ability.

I see… Listening to my husband, I thought maybe those wives don’t trust themselves enough either, beyond just doubting their husband’s potential.

If they don’t have confidence they can endure or overcome a worst-case scenario—like if the husband gets demoted or fired—they might be desperately trying to protect a safe, secure situation.

The Psychology Behind Couples Opposing Each Other

Life is full of “what ifs,” and unexpected things can happen. But even if the husband suddenly got fired,

we could move to a cheaper place, or in the worst case, sell everything and live with my parents. Also, if I start working, that would help a bit, and while living off our savings, the husband could look for another job, so we’d manage somehow.

If you can think like that, maybe your perspective changes.

When I was in my 20s, I started a business without knowing much, and especially financially, I struggled quite a bit. When money ran out, I walked three stations’ worth for about an hour, bought cup noodles in bulk on sale days, and survived on cup noodles for every meal. I also had many miserable and humiliating experiences.

But from that experience,

“Even earning just 10,000 yen from nothing is really hard, so I want my husband to freely use the money he works hard to earn. I got through that tough time, so I believe I won’t be shaken by small things going forward—I’ll be fine.”

That experience was so profound it changed my outlook on life.

So now, if my husband says, “I want to do this, I want that,” unless it’s something life-threatening, I don’t oppose it… at least for now, haha.

Even if it ends with “That was a mistake,” the experience won’t be wasted and will become valuable wisdom. If it goes well, we get a success story and move up a stage. Either way, there’s something to gain, so not trying isn’t an option.

This might be a bit off-topic, but opposing your husband’s wishes might ultimately reflect a lack of trust and confidence in yourself. And when “a husband opposes what his wife wants to do,” it might be the same thing in reverse.

The Elite School Theory and Luxury Cars

My husband also said this about the topic:

I once learned about the “Elite School Theory.” For members of a high school baseball team that regularly goes to Koshien, “going to Koshien is a given,” but for members of a school that’s never been there, “Koshien is a distant dream, there’s no way we can go.” This mindset alone, beyond skills, greatly affects the chances of making it to Koshien.
In other words, the environment you grow up in greatly changes your baseline expectations, and those can unknowingly become mental blocks when you try something.
So wives who oppose buying sports or luxury cars probably grew up with the mindset that “buying such cars is unthinkable.”
Well, whether that’s good or bad is hard to say, but I want our kids to grow up with as few mental blocks as possible. If you have mental blocks, even if you have the ability to achieve something, if you think it’s impossible from the start, it will never happen.
Fortunately, our kids don’t think of Porsche as something special at all—they probably think, “If I want one in the future, I can buy it.” At least, it’s not a distant dream.
I want them to live free from societal norms and not assume “I can’t do it” from the start, not just financially but in every way.

Every family has its own circumstances, values, and ways of living. Also, when children are born, there are more things to protect, so you can’t always do things the same way as before.

But life is only once, so when faced with decisions, I hope we can choose the exciting option, even if it involves some risk, rather than just protecting the status quo. That’s how I feel these days.

*Image source: LEXUS RX GALLERY