Business Negotiations Are Diplomacy Between Nations

The other day, I had a work-related decision to make and wanted someone to give me the confidence to move forward, so I talked it over with my husband.

I don’t usually ask him for advice about work.

But the decision I was considering didn’t quite match the advice I’d been getting from people around me, and I wanted to hear what he would do if he were in my shoes.

I won’t go into the details, but it was about how to deal with a problem that had arisen because my client and I had been out of sync from the very beginning.

After hearing me out, my husband immediately said, “If it were me, I’d do this without a second thought,” and gave me this advice:

I think of B2B negotiations as “diplomacy between representatives of two nations.” You have to approach them with that kind of conviction.
Just because you want the work, you shouldn’t bend over backward to please the other side or go too far in showing that you understand them. You should stand firm and say, “This is where we stand.”
The client pays us, but in return, we bring expertise and value that help their business grow and develop. That’s why I believe the relationship should be one of equals.
Of course, if we’ve fallen short in some way, we have to apologize and respond sincerely. But there’s no need to be more submissive than necessary.
If that relationship and balance are off from the start, it can be very difficult to put things right later.

That was his take.

Diplomacy between nations—what an interesting way to look at it. I’d never approached a business negotiation that way before. Then my husband went on:

The thing is, I go into most business meetings without any real intention of trying to win the work, haha.
There’s no need to take on work at all costs. If anything, I don’t like being too busy, so I’m rarely thinking, “I have to land this job no matter what.”
And work you’ve forced your way into often doesn’t go well down the road.
So even in an initial meeting, I don’t explain our services unless they ask. In fact, I’ll sometimes honestly say, “Another company’s services might be a better fit for you.”
I also don’t follow up afterward with, “Have you made a decision? When can we expect to hear back?”
They may think, “This person doesn’t seem very interested,” but, surprisingly, I often hear from them a few months later: “We’d like to go ahead with what we discussed.”
And when a project starts because the client has come to us, things often go well from there, too.

That was his approach.

What a decidedly unenthusiastic attitude… But somehow, I really understood what he meant. (Laughs.)

Be the Kind of Person Who’s Hard to Handle

As we talked, my husband said, “That reminds me—there’s a quote by Saigō Takamori that I really like,” and emailed it to me.

“A person who wants neither money, fame, nor life is difficult to handle. But without such people, great deeds cannot be accomplished.”

I want money and my life (though I can do without fame)… haha.

Someone who wants no money, fame, or life is basically “invincible.” There’s nothing to fear.
People like that don’t listen to what everyone around them says, and they can be pretty wild in the way they act. But it’s true—they’re the ones who can accomplish great things.
And in your case, Mina, if you take it to the extreme, it’s not as if the company absolutely has to increase its revenue.
I’m the main breadwinner in our household right now, so it’s not as though “we won’t be able to get by unless the company brings in more money.” Even if the company’s revenue doesn’t grow, we’ll manage. It’s not going to kill us. So there’s no need to panic.
You don’t have to be easy to deal with. In fact, it’s okay to be difficult.
There’s no need to take on work at the expense of your principles. Just stand tall and think, “It’s completely fine if you decide not to work with us.”
That kind of confidence and conviction will become part of your presence—something that makes the other side think, “Wait, there’s something a little different about this person.” And then the work will follow.
So don’t rush.

That was what he told me.

After that conversation, my mind was made up, and I was able to act right away.

I suppose I have a somewhat masculine way of thinking… When I talk things over with my husband, it’s usually because I’ve already thought them through and decided what I’m going to do. I’ll ask, “This is what I’m thinking of doing. What do you think?”

My mind is usually already made up, and all I want is a final push. But this time, he helped me see that I didn’t have to give ground to make that decision—I could stand firm and take pride in my position. It felt as if I’d climbed one more step.

I couldn’t help sharing this on Twitter:

I talked to my husband about a decision I had to make at work, and he said, “It’s like Saigō Takamori said: ‘A person who wants neither money, fame, nor life is difficult to handle. But without such people, great deeds cannot be accomplished.’ So stand tall!” I don’t want to praise my own husband too much, but it reminded me how glad I am that he’s my husband.

— Mina-Our Porsche Has Come Home (@Mina_Panamera) June 22, 2022

My husband and I are spouses, but we’re also business owners at different stages of our careers, as well as partners who run a Porsche blog together. It’s a rather unusual relationship, but I hope we can keep growing while taking pride in the worlds we each belong to.