Is It Natural for Men to Pay?

Recently, a tweet by a woman went viral on Twitter.

You might say, “Why should men have to pay for dates?” but women spend money on clothes, makeup, and beauty for those dates. They get up early and prepare because they want to be told they look cute. With that in mind, I hope men will treat women to the date expenses.

That was the gist of it.

Then, my husband tweeted a response based on that, which got quite a few retweets.

Why do we have to split the bill on dates? Porsche drivers prepare for those dates with 18-way seats, PCCB, and sport chrono packages included. None of that is cheap. Even approved tires cost around 300,000 yen. I put decals on to be told I look cool. Considering all that, I want to split the bill! pic.twitter.com/oxpeYmNs7L

— Hiro@ポルシェがわが家にやってきた (@boxster_gts) February 14, 2023

Some comments said, “Since he drives a Porsche, he should at least pay for the date!” but my husband just chuckled and said, “I was just joking casually when I tweeted that…”

A Matter of Different Values Between Men and Women

The debate over who should treat whom between men and women is probably an endless, recurring argument. Since people have various values, perceptions differ greatly depending on individual beliefs.

What I think is that “it’s truly a blessing for both sides to connect and be with someone whose values align with their own.”

Women who want to be treated should date men who believe “I want to treat women.” Men who prefer to split the bill should date women who think “splitting is the norm.”

While looks and personality are important in relationships, over the long term, sharing similar values (or being compatible) becomes a crucial point. (Though I don’t think anyone matches perfectly on every value.)

By the way, I’m not the type who expects men to pay on dates.

My stance was “I pay for what I eat myself (though I’m happy if someone else pays).”

Since I assumed I’d pay my share, I wasn’t keen on going to expensive places. When my husband asked me what I wanted for lunch on our first date alone, I answered seriously, “Kappa Sushi.”

He was surprised and said, “What!? Don’t you go to fancy restaurants on occasions like this!?” I replied, “I love fast, tasty, and cheap food, lol.” I remember giving such an unromantic answer (though he ended up treating me every time…).

Also, even back then, I casually said things like “Spending a lot on weddings is wasteful, so keep it minimal,” “I don’t need an engagement ring because I never wear jewelry,” and “I hate crowds and waiting, so I don’t want to go to fireworks or festivals.” So I guess my views are quite different from those of most women.

Because of that, I think I get along well with my equally pragmatic husband, but if I were with a man who:

・Wants me to dress up properly for dates.
・Wants me to spend money on cosmetics and clothes and always keep myself polished.
・Buys me clothes and bags but expects me to stay beautiful forever.

I probably wouldn’t be compatible with him at all, and I doubt I’d even catch his eye or become a romantic interest, lol.

So I really believe that rather than who pays or gets treated, matching values is what truly matters.

Becoming Financially Independent

Along with matching values, I also think it’s important to keep improving yourself internally through awareness and action.

Some time ago, a response from the CEO of JP Morgan to a woman’s question, “I think I’m a young, beautiful woman, but how can I marry a wealthy man earning over $500,000 a year?” became a hot topic.

Here’s an excerpt from his answer:

From a businessman’s perspective, you’re exchanging your “beauty” for my “money.” That’s a big problem. My “money” grows every year (setting aside the risk of layoffs during recessions), but your beauty doesn’t necessarily improve every year.

Therefore, I’m considered an “attractive asset,” but you’re judged as having “low asset value.” On Wall Street, when trading assets with low value, there’s “short-term trading,” and if the asset value is low, it stays “short-term” and never becomes “long-term,” which corresponds to your idea of “marriage.”

To put it bluntly, you’re better off as a “date partner” or “short-term trade,” not a “marriage partner.” My advice is, instead of looking for a rich fool, it’s better to earn $1 million yourself.

When I read this, I thought, “Wow, that really makes sense!” and it helped me understand a lot.

I don’t feel like I can earn $1 million a year myself just yet… (laughs) but I want to keep growing and working hard to be able to earn more and more.