A Couple Who Kept to Themselves

Because I often write on this blog about my husband and me talking about cars, you might think we’ve always been a chatty couple. We haven’t. There was a time when we barely spoke at all, and I started to worry that something was seriously wrong.

It was only after cars became a shared hobby that our conversations really took off.

We’ve never been the type to turn to each other with every worry or talk through everything on our minds. We tend to deal with things on our own. And while “we don’t interfere in each other’s lives” might sound cool, we ask so few questions about each other that you’d think we weren’t interested at all (laughs).

For example, if my husband says he’s heading out on a four-day, three-night motorcycle tour by himself, I don’t know where he’s staying. If he won’t be home for dinner, all that goes on our shared Google Calendar is “No dinner needed.” I don’t know who he’s going with or what they’re going to eat. Then, much later, he might casually say, “Oh, by the way, I went out to dinner with [someone] the other day.”

And my husband doesn’t ask where I’m going or who I’ll be with when I head out, either.

We’re pretty low-key about it (laughs).

Not Exactly Big on Special Occasions

We’re also both hopeless at remembering anniversaries. Even our wedding anniversary can pass unnoticed until a Facebook reminder pops up. Then, sometime that evening, one of us will message the other: “Did you know it’s our anniversary today?” “Oh, I forgot.” We’ve never exchanged Christmas presents or gone out for a special Christmas dinner. And when I ask my husband if he wants anything for Valentine’s Day, he says:

“That’s just the chocolate companies’ way of getting people to buy more chocolate. I don’t need any!”

So I just buy myself a treat and enjoy it (laughs).

Birthdays are much the same. My husband says he doesn’t want a present (though I could still get him something even if he says that), while I’m more likely to say, “I want a Mac for work!” than ask for jewelry or a handbag. There’s not much romance in our relationship.

Things Changed After Our Second Daughter Was Born

Even so, for the first few years of our marriage, we did talk about things like “I’ve been thinking about this lately” and “This is how things are changing at work.” Our conversations dwindled after our second daughter was born in 2017.

With two children to look after, I had a lot more to do and was constantly short on sleep. By the time my husband got home from work, I’d be taking over bedtime from him—and often falling asleep right alongside the kids.

On days off, I was usually exhausted and sleeping, too. It felt as if all we said to each other in a day was “Good morning,” “Welcome home,” “I’m home,” and “Good night.”

After a few months of living like that, a number of things came to a head, and I finally let out all the feelings I’d been holding in. My husband and I agreed that “we’ve had far too few everyday conversations lately, so we should make time to talk.” But at the same time, I found myself thinking:

Wait—when we say “everyday conversation,” what are we even supposed to talk about? (-_-)…

We’d gone so long without really talking that I’d forgotten how to start a conversation naturally or what might give us a reason to chat.

Even after that conversation, though, we didn’t suddenly start talking more. Then, in June of the following year, I started this blog on a whim. As I began to take more interest in Porsche and cars, questions like “What’s the new model they just announced like?” and “What does torque mean? And what’s a chassis?” started coming up naturally—or, more accurately, our conversations got a lot more geeky (laughs).

Cars were the starting point, but they opened the door to all sorts of other conversations, too.

Thanks to Porsche

Looking back, I’ve come to think of communication as being like blood flow. If blood gets blocked somewhere, it can become sluggish and lead to health problems. It needs to keep flowing freely for the body to stay healthy.

Communication works the same way. Casual chats and everyday conversation create an atmosphere where it feels natural to talk. That foundation makes it easier to discuss important things, too, and helps keep family life healthy.

Trying too hard to face each other or spend time together can sometimes feel difficult or forced. But lately, I’ve been reminded how nice it is to share time around something we’re both genuinely interested in.

Honestly, Porsche, thank you so much! (ﾟ∀ﾟ)

I hope that, through our shared love of cars, my husband and I can keep finding ways to enjoy life together—and stay close for years to come.