Driving on the Night Highway in the Cayenne

The other day, we all went to my husband’s parents’ house in the Cayenne, enjoyed dinner, and on the way back, after driving on the highway for a while, the kids in the back seat finally fell asleep. It was a rare chance for just the two of us to have a relaxed conversation.

Why is it that when driving on a quiet highway at night, I feel like talking about things we usually don’t discuss? (Is it just me? lol)

Our third child will be two months old soon. Time has flown by in a blur of busyness. Before, even on weekday nights, we had some time to talk as a couple, but now, after evening comes, we bathe the kids, feed them, say things like “School’s tomorrow! Hurry, hurry!”, put the baby to sleep, and then I end up falling asleep too.

On weekends, we tell the kids “It’s okay to stay up a little later”, so time passes a bit more leisurely without rushing bedtime. But whenever we start talking, the girls always interrupt.

“Um, yesterday, at school, um, well…” “Hey! Don’t talk when Mom and Dad are talking!”

They say things like this, so I think, “What kind of jealousy is this? (-_-)” but our conversation inevitably gets cut short. That’s why the other night on the highway was such a precious time for us to talk quietly together.

Those Days When He Was Fired Up About Porsche

As we talked more, my husband said this:

A few years ago, when work was busy and I had less free time than now, I was always thinking, “I want to drive my Porsche on a tour! I want the weekend to come faster!” Even when busy, I managed to find time to go driving. But now that I have more free time, I feel like my urge to go touring isn’t as strong as before.
Now, I have the freedom to go touring pretty much anytime I want, and well, I do go, but somehow the craving isn’t as intense…
I decided to create a system so I can use my time more freely and build a company that runs without me, and I’ve worked toward that. Now that I’m free to go touring whenever, the desire isn’t as fierce as it used to be. It’s kind of ironic, isn’t it?

I see…

It’s like when I decide “No sweets or snacks!” and then I crave them terribly, but when I think “I’m done dieting, I can eat whenever I want”, the craving fades but I end up eating snacks anyway. That’s my pattern.

…Well, maybe not quite the same (lol).

When I said, “That makes sense… when something is always available, the craving might fade,” my husband continued:

Lately, I feel like there’s nothing that really fires me up inside. I think that’s not good—for me or the company.
When I first started my business, I worked hard to make sure sales would grow. Once sales picked up and things got busy, I worked hard to create a system so the company could run without me.
Regarding Porsche, I’ve wanted one since I saw it in a magazine in elementary school. I worked hard with the goal of “I will definitely buy one someday”, and five years ago I bought my first Porsche, a Boxster. Since then, I’ve driven GT3s, air-cooled models, the latest 911s, and various Porsche models. Recently, after coming full circle, I’ve started thinking, “Maybe just two cars—the 911 Turbo S Cabriolet and the Cayenne—are enough.”
So, I don’t have that intense feeling of “I absolutely must have this car” like before.
This feeling of not having anything that fires me up feels uncomfortable, and I think I need to move on to the next stage soon.

Usually, my husband is pretty laid-back and doesn’t talk about things like this much, so I hadn’t realized he was thinking about all this…

When I said, “But forcing yourself to set goals doesn’t feel right either. It has to be something that wells up from deep inside, something that makes your heart tremble, otherwise you won’t really be fired up. But looking back, you’ve always seemed like the type who gets fired up by problems and challenges,” he replied:

That’s right. I think I’ve always loved finding problems and solving them. Even with programming, I’ve always loved finding bugs and fixing them.
And the more complexly intertwined the problems are, the more fired up I get. Trying to unravel them and solve them from different angles, and the moment I realize, “Ah, this was the cause!” is incredibly fun.

That’s what he said.

On the other hand, I tend to short-circuit my brain when problems get complicated, get frustrated, and throw myself at the problem until I’m battered and bruised, only to realize later there was an easy detour all along (intense, right?) so I really envy his enjoyment of problem-solving.

I’ve been by his side for over 10 years now—oh wait, it was our wedding anniversary recently, I just remembered while writing this. (It’s already been two weeks)… Anyway, putting that aside, my husband is the type who thrives on being exposed to new worlds and innovations that shake up the status quo, drawing inspiration and turning ideas into reality. I think he loves to always be in that kind of environment.

When I said, “Maybe now is a time when you need new stimulation, new input. How about spending a few months traveling alone overseas? Seeing different countries and experiencing values beyond your own might help you discover something new,” he said:

No way, going abroad during this COVID period would make people say, “What are you doing?” lol That’s tough (-_-)

True enough…

Until now, my husband’s big motivation in life and work was his love for cars and driving, but now it seems he’s searching for a new stage.

As his wife, I’m not the type to dotingly support him, and I believe the next goal is something he has to find himself, so all I can do is watch over him. Meanwhile, I want to keep pursuing my own path, setting goals, imagining the world I want to reach, growing daily with curiosity, achieving one thing at a time, and being a partner who can give him even a little spark of inspiration.

Our kids are still small now, but I hope we can go on mid-distance drives like this again someday.