A Long-Overdue Heart-to-Heart

Yesterday, both kids went to bed unusually early, so my husband and I had a long-overdue heart-to-heart about life. And we were completely sober (neither of us drinks). I can’t remember how we got onto the subject, but at one point we found ourselves saying:

“Everyone who’s successful seems to say the same thing: just do what you want to do.”

That led me to reflect: “I think I might be happier now than at any other point in my life. Maybe that’s because I’m doing more of what I really want to do than ever before.”

Was I Really Doing What I Wanted Before?

Looking back, I may have seemed to be doing what I wanted, but in reality, I wasn’t. I think I was gritting my teeth and pushing myself to the limit, mostly to meet other people’s expectations and earn their approval.

There’s value in working hard, of course. But when you’re not doing something you truly want to do, you can’t help feeling uneasy and unhappy. I put pressure on myself to get results and worked desperately hard. I also believed that if you tried hard enough, you could achieve just about anything.

When My Beliefs Fell Apart

Recently, my outlook changed completely. I learned that “sometimes, no matter how hard you work, you still don’t get the results you want.” I’d always given each challenge everything I had: university entrance exams, job hunting, starting my first job, and aiming to become a top salesperson. And, for the most part, I’d managed to get results.

That’s why “if you work hard, you can achieve just about anything” had always been something I could rely on.

But when I was 27, I took on a particular challenge. Nearly nine years later, despite working harder throughout that time than I ever had before, I still hadn’t achieved what I wanted. In fact, I hadn’t even reached one percent of my goal, and nine out of ten things I tried didn’t work out.

“Even comedians who haven’t made it can finally get their big break after ten years.”
“Rakuten and Amazon didn’t have it easy in their first few years, either.”

I told myself that if I kept going, I’d eventually succeed. If I wasn’t getting results, it must mean I wasn’t working hard enough. So I pushed myself even further, until I became ill. No matter how much I slept, I was always exhausted. I got frustrated with the kids and kept asking myself the same questions. And then, nine years had passed.

What I Realized in 2018

Then, earlier this year, I felt the landscape of my field change completely. I had to face the fact that, if I kept going as I was, I had no chance of winning. That was when I finally thought, “Ah… I’ve lost. Completely.” The pressure lifted, and in a way, I felt relieved. I could finally accept that it was time to quit.

Maybe there was a way to keep going. But I’d done all I could, and I was ready to let it go. For me, deciding not to do something took more courage than deciding to keep doing it.

Still, over those nine years, I discovered something about myself: “I may be good at—and genuinely enjoy—sharing the things I believe in with a wider audience.” And that realization naturally connected with this blog, which I’d been writing as a casual hobby since last year.

I love Porsche, and the number of readers was growing. I started thinking it might be time to take the blog seriously. So in April, I moved it from Hatena Blog to WordPress and began running it in earnest.

A Feeling I’ve Never Had Before

It’s been almost two months since then, and this might be the happiest I’ve ever been. Because I’m doing something I love. I get to write about Porsche, a brand I adore, and help someone who’s thinking about buying a Porsche. I can share the joy with other enthusiasts, too.

It doesn’t get much better than that.

I still have to wake up at night to feed our one-year-old, so I’m definitely not getting a full night’s sleep. Even so, I wake up before six feeling refreshed. I start wondering what to write about that day, and ideas come pouring in.

I’ve never felt anything like this in my 36 years.

The world I’d thought was “right” was actually very small. The world itself is enormous. Through my Porsche blog, I’ve also learned that people live rich, fulfilling lives—earning plenty of money and having time to enjoy it—in ways I’d never imagined. That’s been a real eye-opener.

Should I Become a Porsche Salesperson?

When I told my husband all this yesterday, he said:

“Why not just ask Porsche to hire you as a salesperson? I bet you’d sell a ton. (-_-)”

You know, he might be right. I’m confident I could sell a fair number of cars. I wasn’t even interested in Porsche three years ago, but I did spend three years as a top salesperson in my previous job, so I have the skills. And above all, Porsche makes incredible products.

As I look ahead, I want to live a rich and fulfilling life—being honest with myself, following my heart, and finding reasons to smile. I’ve come to understand that only through everything I’ve experienced so far. It’s a reminder that no experience is ever truly wasted.