A Wife Who Understands Her Husband’s Hobby

Lately, I’ve been receiving comments like these on my blog and Twitter:

・“A wife who understands her husband’s hobby so well—what a wonderful couple.”
・“A wife who sees driving a Porsche as a sport is truly amazing (lol).”
・“I’m so jealous that your wife is so understanding.”

Thank you very much for saying such kind things… m(_ _)m. But recently, I feel like the image of me as “the perfect wife who understands her husband’s hobby and warmly supports him” has taken on a life of its own. While I’m truly grateful, it also makes me a bit embarrassed, so I wanted to write again that “No, I’m not that perfect wife!” (Though maybe I shouldn’t be saying this extra stuff)

My Stance

I think my husband and I are a bit different from the typical couple, so first, I’ll write about my basic stance as a wife.

1 Do what you love, but please earn well

Saying “Do what you love, but please earn well” sounds pretty bossy, doesn’t it? Basically, I think:

“I want my husband to do what he loves, boost his motivation, and in return, earn a lot.”

When I say this to close friends, they often say “That’s such an old-fashioned way of thinking.” Nowadays, with more dual-income households, there’s a trend that couples should share housework, and husbands should actively help with kids and chores on their days off. But I don’t expect that from my husband.

If he liked doing housework, I might ask him to help, but he often says “I hate being forced to share housework; I won’t do it.” Forcing him to do chores he doesn’t want to do would just build stress and hurt his work performance.

So my thinking is: “Don’t do housework, just do what you love, and in return, please earn a lot.”

I’ve told him this clearly. Put another way, if he ends up “doing what he loves and spending money on it but not earning enough,” well, you can bet I’ll be seriously pissed off (lol).

2 I do what I love, too

On top of that, my stance is “You do what you love, so I do what I love, too.” When we got married, my husband said,

“If you want to be a full-time housewife, go ahead. If you want to work, go ahead. Just do what you love and stay happy.”

So I said, “Got it! I’ll take you up on that!” and I’ve been doing what I want ever since.

Even after marriage and having kids, I wanted to keep working in some form, so I’ve been working for about 15 years since becoming a working adult (though at this age, I’m not exactly sure anymore lol). Of course, after having kids, there are things like “picking them up from kindergarten or daycare” and “rushing to the hospital when they have a fever,” but I’ve adjusted my working style through trial and error and with my husband’s support, I’ve managed so far.

Now, I want to write this Porsche blog and have so many things I want to do that I sometimes get overwhelmed and almost burn out. My husband often says,

“Hey, you don’t have to try so hard. Take it easy.”

But I reply, “But I want to do what I want!” and he lets me do my thing. Basically, I’m the type who won’t give up on what I want to do, so if my husband ever said something like “Women should stay home” or “I earn the money, so you have to listen to me,” I’d definitely lose it.

3 Don’t complain about housework

I’m not good at housework and don’t really like it. So, I barely clean and only turn on the Roomba a few times a week. I don’t cook fancy meals, and if I’m too lazy, I often buy ready-made food. (Lately, I’ve been using a Panasonic Rotisserie Grill & Smoke to make pizza and roast beef, but basically, I only make things that just need to be set and left alone.)

But toward my husband, since I don’t do housework, I give off the vibe of “Don’t tell me to clean better” or “Don’t expect me to prepare more varied meals.” And in fact, he’s never said those things. Recently, he even said “Why don’t you just hire a housekeeper?” (lol).

4 Take care of yourself

I do the family’s housework, but my stance is “We’re both adults, so take care of yourselves.” So even if my husband’s room is messy, I don’t clean it. If I wonder, “Is this laundry?” but it’s not in the laundry basket, I don’t wash it.

I also believe health and condition management are not the wife’s job but something each person should be conscious of. So if he says, for example, “Make meals mostly vegetables” or “I want to diet, so no fried food,” I’ll do it, but I don’t initiate it.

…Writing all this out, you might think “She’s understanding about cars, but as a wife, she’s kind of a handful.” (-_-)

Actually, my husband and I had similar experiences before we met, so we were both in the

“If marriage means I can’t do what I want, then I won’t get married” camp.

But after talking a lot, we realized we shared the idea of “Not fitting ourselves into society’s image of a couple, but cherishing what we love.” That’s why we decided to get married.

My husband’s friends were apparently surprised, saying “No way, that ○○ who said she’d never marry is actually getting married!”

The Freedom I’ve Been Given…

About nine years ago, just after I started my current job, I met my husband, who is seven years older. I was going through a tough time with work, so he often gave me advice, and even after we married, he helped me a lot with website and server stuff. (He’s an IT guy.)

Still, I’ve always been the type to handle things on my own, so my habit of “breaking down, burning out, and only then opening up to my husband” hasn’t changed. He’d say “Here we go again lol” and listen to me.

After our eldest daughter was born, I burned out trying to juggle work and childcare and tearfully told him, “I’m quitting this job!” He asked,

“Okay. If that’s what you want, go ahead. But what do you really want?”

and each time, I’d rally with “No way I’m giving up now!” (I’m pretty simple-minded, honestly lol)

This year, after the results of my work so far, I completely burned out and decided to reduce my workload and focus seriously on this Porsche blog. At that time, he quietly said,

“If that’s what you want, Mina, then that’s fine.”

If I were in his shoes, I’d probably say, “You’ve come this far, don’t give up now—that’d be a waste!” (lol). Then he said,

“If you’re serious about the Porsche blog, I’ll support you.”

He started helping with the blog’s server, tuning, and providing ideas. Just recently, when I burned out from overworking, he laughed and said,

“You don’t have to work so hard. Take breaks when you need to lol.”

And when I was about to lose my mind from childcare and vented endlessly, he quietly listened until the end. (Though he was fiddling with his phone the whole time.)

He often says,

“Mina, you should be like Masako Shirasu. I don’t expect from you what society expects from wives. Just do what you love.”

…So, from the time we got married until now,

“It’s actually me who’s been given the freedom,”

and I don’t think I could be doing this if it weren’t for my husband.

I’m starting to feel embarrassed writing such uncharacteristic things, so I’ll stop here… In other words, I’m not “the perfect wife who understands her husband’s hobby and warmly supports him,” but rather “a wife who says, since I get to do what I love, my husband should get to do what he loves, too.” lol