“Ageman,” huh?

The other day, a friend I hadn’t seen in 20 years said this to me:

“Mina, you’re totally an ‘ageman,’ aren’t you?”

I replied, “No way, not at all (-_-),” but maybe from an outsider’s perspective, that’s how I come across.

I met my husband 10 years ago. Back then, he had only been running his business for 2 or 3 years, and his beloved car was a used, old BMW 318i (which sometimes wouldn’t start, lol). His office was just a corner rented inside a senior colleague’s office, and he commuted by bicycle every day. “A car-loving husband commuting by bike” — now that’s hard to believe, isn’t it? lol

Time passed… the company office got bigger and better located, and there are now several Porsches at home… so naturally, my friend says, “Mina is an ‘ageman’.”

But I’m not an “ageman.” I’m not saying this out of modesty—I truly am not one (-_-).

When I hear “ageman,” I picture a woman who

“supports her husband, praises him, cares about his health, endures hardships together, constantly encourages him, and leads him to success.”

Unfortunately, I haven’t done any of that.

When my husband said, “I don’t need breakfast, just one rice ball is fine,” I took it literally and still only make him one rice ball in the morning. On days off, I might not even make that. Looking back on our marriage, I don’t recall encouraging or diligently supporting him.

There was a time when I tried hard to “be a supportive, good wife,” making lunch boxes and cooking salmon or tamagoyaki for breakfast, but after about three months, I got exhausted and thought, “Nope, being a good wife isn’t for me,” and gave up.

Writing this, I feel like a terribly bad wife (laughs).

What’s More Important Than Being an Ageman

After being called an “ageman” by my friend, I searched the term online and was surprised to find many how-to articles like “Learn the mindset of an ageman and become a woman loved by her boyfriend!” or “Six ways to boost your boyfriend’s luck.” It seems this is a hot topic among women.

But at the same time, I felt a bit uneasy reading those articles. That’s because I believe

it’s better to focus on meeting men who have a high potential for future success than to try hard to become an “ageman.”

So, what follows is purely my personal opinion, not based on data, just what I’ve observed in myself and those around me. Please take it as “here’s another way to think about it.”

Even if a woman tries hard to be an “ageman,” if the man is someone who says, “No, I don’t want to try that hard; I’m fine as I am,” it’s tough to lead him to success. Even if it’s possible, it requires enormous patience, determination, and time from the woman.

Also, if the woman tries too hard, she might develop excessive expectations or demands for reciprocation, leading to frustration like, “I’m doing so much for you, why won’t you try harder!?” which makes both parties unhappy.

Just as a peach seed grows into a peach tree and an apple seed into an apple tree, telling a peach seed to “become an apple” is impossible (though that probably made it more confusing, lol).

First, it’s important to find a man who has the desire to “succeed and aim higher” and is steadily taking action toward that goal.

How to Meet Successful Men

“So, how do you meet such men?”

The easiest and most promising way is

“to aim higher yourself.”

Like attracts like, and people with similar wavelengths and values naturally come together, regardless of gender. So, to meet men with ambition, you should also aim higher yourself.

But here, “aiming higher” doesn’t just mean “getting promoted at work” or “starting a business.” What I mean is “acting with the mindset to keep growing no matter your age.”

It means things like “trying new challenges,” “feeling nervous but bravely giving it a shot,” and “living life with hunger and ambition.”

By showing up in places where such people gather and connecting with them, the people you meet and are introduced to will naturally change.

Changing your environment takes courage at first, but if you keep it up, your chances of meeting men who will succeed in the future will increase.

You’ll also get a feel for how people who achieve their goals think and act before you get married.

More importantly, even if it doesn’t lead to marriage, increasing your own chances of success is a great way to hedge life’s risks (laughs).

My Husband and Me

When I tell women this, I often hear, “But women who are that ambitious aren’t popular, right?” or “Men like feminine women, so ambitious women get married late.” But I don’t think that’s always true.

Though I don’t have data, among the “ambitious women” around me, many are graceful, strong, warm, and very attractive—and they’ve found wonderful partners who suit them. (Of course, many men do like gentle, feminine women.)

For example, before I started my business, I was not popular at all (lol). When I talked about work, people often reacted with “Wow, that’s amazing. You really love your job, huh…” or “You’re a woman thinking about starting a business… seriously…!?” — clearly taken aback.

But once I started my business and met different people, my “biggest and last” period of popularity arrived.

Instead of being put off, I got responses like “Ambitious women are great” and “It’s nice to be independent,” and I received more active invitations. Sadly, at that time, I was so focused on “running and growing my company” that I declined almost all invitations and spent my days off working.

Oh, what a story… (T_T) lol

But somehow, I wanted to see my husband again after meeting him at a work event. I invited him, we talked a lot, and we connected over the shared value that “life is only once, so whether we marry or not, we want to fully pursue what we want to do,” which led to marriage.

It’s been almost seven years since we married. My husband hardly works at home and only occasionally talks about work. Most of the time, he’s watching car YouTube videos, talking about cars, or driving them. But apparently, he’s working hard behind the scenes (sorry for saying it like that), and that’s how things are now.

Meanwhile, I haven’t done anything special. Or rather, I’ve been so busy with my company, parenting, blogging, etc., that I never had the time or energy to think about “being an ageman.”

But after seven years of watching my husband, I feel that although he’s not the type to passionately talk about dreams and ideals, he never sets a ceiling on his life and has a curiosity to “go higher and see unknown worlds,” always taking action. I believe that even if he hadn’t married me, he would have achieved a decent environment by now.