Are Tonarers More Common Than You Think?

Lately, I’ve been encountering a lot of “tonarers” (people who park right next to your car even though the parking lot is mostly empty), so I decided to take a moment to think about their psychology and how to deal with them.

First, when I looked up “tonarers” online, I was surprised to find many people writing things like, “Can’t something be done about tonarers?” There were plenty of questions, discussions, and answers about tonarers on Yahoo Chiebukuro and popular forums.

I also learned that “tonarers” isn’t limited to cars in parking lots. It also refers to people who, despite plenty of empty seats, deliberately sit next to someone on a bus or train, or those who choose to sit diagonally opposite you in an empty café.

Wow… Actually, I find it scarier when someone sits next to me on an empty train or bus than when a car parks right next to mine in a parking lot.

The Psychology of Tonarers

Generally, why do tonarers deliberately park next to someone in a mostly empty parking lot? The internet offers explanations like these:

・It’s easier to park when there’s a car next to you as a reference point
(Often done by people who lack confidence in parking)
・It feels less lonely to have a car parked next to you
(Parking alone can feel vulnerable to vandalism)
・They want to park in order from the edge of the lot, following the rules strictly
(Maybe a personality thing… perhaps Type A folks? lol)
・They just park there without much thought
(Apparently, most people don’t think much about it)

Reading these, it seems the human psyche tends to feel “safer together,” and this unconscious feeling leads to the tonarer behavior.

Tonarers Next to Luxury and Sports Cars

So far, this is about general tonarers. What I want to focus on is “tonarers who deliberately park next to luxury or sports cars.” My husband often goes on long solo tours, and he says he almost always encounters tonarers in hotel parking lots and such.

That said, many years ago, when he saw luxury or sports cars in parking lots, he would get excited and think, “Wow, so cool!” and would purposely park next to those sports cars.

It was like feeling “next to a celebrity,” and he was driven by the urge to park side by side. In other words, he admits he was a full-on tonarer himself (-_-).

However, after owning a high-end sports car like a Porsche himself, he vividly realized

“how much one of those cars costs” and “how expensive repairs would be if you accidentally scratched the wheels or doors.”

Since then, he’s thought, “There’s absolutely no need to risk parking right next to them.” Even if there’s a car he’d like to park near, he leaves a space between.

He said,

I think people who tonarer next to luxury or sports cars usually don’t know how much those cars cost or how expensive repairs are. They often park next to them out of curiosity. But considering the risks, there’s really no need to be a tonarer.

Is It Possible to Solve the Tonarer Problem?

However, tonarers are not breaking any laws nor committing major etiquette violations. The tonarer issue arises because “people have different priorities and senses of consideration,” so I think it’s hard to solve.

This kind of thing happens often in daily life beyond just tonarers.

For example,

“Mid-level employees at work complaining that ‘young employees these days casually refuse invitations from their bosses to meals. Unbelievable.‘” or people upset about manners at izakayas when someone squeezes lemon juice over fried chicken without asking others.

Maybe the tonarer problem is similar to these.

Car lovers who cherish their vehicles act with their cars’ safety as a top priority. But people who don’t care as much probably don’t even realize they’re being tonarers.

So, should we just leave the tonarer problem as is? Since there are “BABY IN CAR” stickers, maybe we should slap on “No Tonarers Allowed” stickers to make our feelings clear… (lol)

(Just made this up randomly lol)

Having Peace of Mind

While pondering this, I saw a retweet on Twitter that really struck a chord.

A behind-the-scenes interview with charismatic host Roland (from @otoko_no_kuruma’s post) showed him driving his Rolls-Royce. When the interviewer said, “You drive safely, don’t you?” he responded like this:

There are people who drive these kinds of cars recklessly, right? Driving dangerously or cutting in line—those things are actually uncool. (omitted) Even if someone cuts in front of me a little, I think, ‘Great, I get to spend a bit more time in my beloved car, go ahead.’ (omitted) Having peace of mind is important. I often compare peace of mind to the ocean. Imagine pouring a little red paint into the ocean. The color doesn’t change at all. But what if you pour it into a glass? Or a shot glass? It turns bright red. Anger is the same; peace of mind is like the amount of water. So if you’re fulfilled, it’s like going from a glass of water to a swimming pool… I can’t objectively tell how much water I have, but if someone cuts in, I just say, ‘Go ahead,’ and if someone tailgates me… well, that doesn’t happen, but it wouldn’t bother me. I’d just think maybe they had a bad day.

…This guy is a god… (*_*)!!!

I was shocked but also thought, “That’s exactly right.” When tonarers park next to me and I get irritated thinking, “Why park here!?” I realize my heart was too small. Of course, if it leads to door dings, that’s a different story, but if unexpected or unpleasant things happen, having enough peace of mind to let it roll off your back means no problem at all.

I want to become a person with a big heart and plenty of peace of mind. (Not sure if this solved today’s tonarer problem though lol)