My husband works in IT, and lately, it seems to have become a bit of a trend in the tech world to explain technical topics through comedy routines inspired by Milk Boy. So he took the cue and wrote an article about Porsche in the style of their comedy sketch.(Just like the original Milk Boy routine, these are personal opinions.)

Milk Boy is the comedy duo that won last year’s M-1 Grand Prix after earning the highest score in the competition’s history with their “cornflakes” routine.

I couldn’t help laughing as I read it. If you like, picture the two members of Milk Boy as you read the following! lol

Porsche

“My mom bought a sports car recently, but she can’t remember what it’s called.”
“Forgot the name of the car she bought? What’s going on there? Well, I’ll help you figure out what sports car your mom bought. Tell me what she said about it.”

“She says it’s got loads of power, handles really well, and is comfortable enough to drive every day.”
“Then it’s gotta be a Porsche! Those features are a perfect match. Porsche is the gold standard for sports cars these days. It’s incredibly fast, but you can still use it as your everyday car. That’s the whole idea behind Porsche: drive it on the track at the weekend, then take it to work or run errands on Monday. It has to be a Porsche!”

“That’s what I thought, but Mom says people take tons of pictures of it when she drives around town.”
“Then it’s not a Porsche. You don’t usually see people snapping photos of Porsches everywhere they go. They’re not flashy, and the design has stayed true to its roots for years, so everyone recognizes one at a glance. The body’s compact, too—it doesn’t have that over-the-top supercar look. And the people driving them aren’t exactly flashy either. You hardly ever see one with a glam young woman in the passenger seat. It’s usually two middle-aged guys. So, no, that doesn’t sound like a Porsche. What else did she say?”

“Apparently, there are a ton of different versions.”
“Now that sounds like a Porsche! The 911 alone comes in a huge range of models. There’s the base model, the S, the GTS, rear-wheel drive or all-wheel drive, Cabriolet and Targa versions, plus the GT3 and Turbo lines. You can spend ages trying to decide which one to buy!”

“I thought it was a Porsche, too, but Mom says there aren’t many options to choose from when you buy it.”
“Then it’s not a Porsche! Porsches come with a staggering number of options. And they’re all expensive! If you only look at the base price and think that’s all you’ll pay, you’re in for a shock when you visit the dealer. Even power-folding mirrors are a ¥50,000 option. You have to choose every little thing, even features you’d find on a basic kei car these days. If there aren’t many options to choose from, it can’t be a Porsche. What else did she say?”

“The brakes are supposed to be incredibly good.”
“Then it has to be a Porsche! Porsche brakes are known as ‘the best brakes in the world.’ They’re incredibly powerful, of course, but more importantly, they’re easy to modulate. You can brake from over 200 km/h and stop precisely where you want. And they don’t fade, even after repeated hard stops. Porsche tests its cars by accelerating from 90 to 230 km/h and then braking hard, repeating the process more than 20 times to make sure the brakes maintain the same stopping power. That has to be a Porsche.”

“I thought so too, but Mom says the brakes barely squeal.”
“Then it’s not a Porsche! Porsche brakes are supposed to squeal! Porsche even has an official video explaining that brake squeal isn’t a fault. The owner’s manual for cars with PCCB ceramic brakes even says they may squeal. Brakes that never make a sound? That can’t be a Porsche!”

“And when she turns the steering wheel while backing out of the garage on a cold winter morning, it makes a grating, grinding noise.”
“Then it’s definitely a Porsche! Porsches use something called parallel steering geometry. It’s a setup shared with race cars, where the left and right tires don’t turn at the same angle. That helps the car flow smoothly through medium- and high-speed corners. On cold winter days, the tire tread blocks can stiffen and slip as the tires turn, making that grating sound. That’s definitely a Porsche!”

“I thought it was, but Mom says the steering is really quick.”
“Then it’s definitely not a Porsche! Porsche doesn’t make the steering artificially quick just for the sake of it. Sure, it’s quicker than an ordinary car, but they don’t use gimmicks to make the initial steering response feel artificially sporty.
What matters is natural steering that feels perfectly in sync with the driver. There’s no weird disconnect, so it just feels great behind the wheel. Did your mom mention anything else?”

“She says the engine runs incredibly smoothly, with hardly any vibration.”
“Then it’s gotta be a Porsche! The 911’s flat-six engine sits low in the chassis and is perfectly balanced. That means it has little vibration, revs smoothly to high rpm, and sounds incredible. The GT3’s engine revs all the way to 9,000 rpm—that’s something else. And unlike other supercars, it strikes a great balance between exhaust sound and mechanical noise. For anyone who loves engineering, a Porsche engine is hard to beat.”

“She also said the handling is so good that she ends up driving it without really paying attention.”
“Then it can’t be a Porsche! A real Porsche driver is always fully engaged. The 911 has a heavy engine at the rear, so if you ease off the throttle or brake lightly before a corner, you can balance the weight between the front and rear and carry the car through the turn beautifully. A Porsche is the kind of car that’s already there the moment you think, ‘I’d like to pull in over there.’ That’s how it drives. If you’re going to drive without paying attention, you might as well drive something other than a Porsche!”

“Come to think of it, she said she never gets tired, even on long drives.”
“Then it’s a Porsche! It feels so good to drive that you just want to keep going. You can’t say that about every supercar. There are cars that are simply faster than a Porsche, but when you factor in comfort and the overall driving experience, Porsche is still hard to beat.”

“I thought it was a Porsche, too, but apparently there’s hardly any room for luggage.”
“Then maybe it’s not a Porsche… Porsches can actually carry quite a bit of luggage. The front trunk on a 911 is big enough for suitcases, and you can fit a fair amount on the rear seats, too. The Cayman and Boxster have a trunk at the back as well, so they’re perfectly practical for a trip. So, no, that doesn’t sound like a Porsche. What did your dad say when he heard the story?”

“Dad says maybe it’s a kei truck.”
“Absolutely not! That’s it, we’re done!”

And that’s the punchline! (lol) Thanks for reading. If you have any other funny ideas, I’d love to hear them in the comments.